Noteworthy

I wish I knew these three things for sure:
1) Why?
2) How?
3) What if...?
But honestly, I don't really want to know the third one at all. I ask it always and it's forever lingering on the tip of my tongue. It's almost as if I ask this third question for the sake of asking it. Almost as if it will fill the void in sanity of me and my decision making process. In all reality though, do we really want to know? If I walk into Dollar Tree and buy a journal, do I really want to think of all the "what ifs" that come with those 100 pieces of blank requiems waiting to be written? Or what if they will be left unwritten? Well honestly, that's one of the best lessons and parts of life. We can dream of infinite "what ifs" until our hearts can't handle it. Or, we could go adventure with these possibilities we've molded for ourselves and pick them off one by one. In this process of elimination, we may even discover a "what if" we never even thought of. It could be the best or worst or fall anywhere in between these lines. Here's the thing, we will never know which "what if", if any, we will get unless we play around with decisions, choices, and life. That right there is one of life's greatest lessons. Almost the "you'll never know until you try" mentality. Tackling "what ifs" head on is easier said than done. Believe me. I know. There are thousands of stories for us all waiting for pen to hit paper, all waiting to be written, all waiting for us to drop the "what ifs" we're weaving for ourselves and letting our stories flip the pages themselves. We have trouble processing that everything can and will fall into place. We want it to all happen so quickly and right now. We need our lives to be filed perfectly at all times and everything to be silky smooth. I'll tell you a secret, a grocery list of "what ifs" is not helping your situation, our situation.
Take music for example. The piece is written, the choir is warmed up, the orchestra is more than prepared, there's and eager full house awaiting. You've had  this blissful picture in that wondrous brain of yours of each note of every beat from every vocal part of every instrument dancing through the air straight into the hearts and souls of your eager audience. Your beautiful mind has imagined the wau the music will move your full house and them them in awe. But that racing mind of yours starts writing and entire string section worth of "what ifs". Your blissful picture crashes and burns, you consider sending everyone home. You would never ever have the experience of watching over the potential of the power your creation had. You would never have inspired the boy on the far left with his family to take up violin lessons. Or the older girl in the back to not give up on her singing career. Or a few to write their own masterpieces one day as they watch yours fall together in harmony.
"What ifs" are poisonous to the beating heart that fuels our lives. Not the life we breathe but the life we really live. They're the water that puts out the fire in our souls that represents our desire to move forward and write our stories and requiems. "What ifs" can be healthy don't get me wrong. We can't go diving head first off cliffs and call it "living our lives". Healthy "what ifs" are O.K., it's knowing which are pushing you forwards and which are tying you down. So today, I walked into Dollar Tree, I bought an empty 100 page symphony waiting to be written. And I started writing.

Picture: My 2013 American Music Abroad tour through Europe.